3/13/07

Energy is God

Energy is a resource I find myself considering a great deal of late. Mostly, I think of it in quantitative terms - a lot, some, not so much. I begin each day with what I'll call a full tank of energy. I end the day at or near empty. Sometime during the night I go to the filling station.

During the years when I would think these things through from a theological perspective, I thought of giving energy as ministry and getting energy back as providence. Like the children of Israel in Exodus, the manna from heaven appeared every morning to sustain them on their day's journey in the wilderness. I believed that God was the filling station and prayer was the pump.

I think things through nowadays like I once did (I am still a contempletive albeit not so evangelical as I once was) but without a "faith perspective" to serve as a frame. Energy is something I give because I want to, because I must, because....I don't know why always. I pay more attention to it now than I used to. I am more aware of what drains me and more appreciative of the people and things that help me recharge. I know who and what drains me but am not so interested in knowing when and how I am a drain on others. From my vantage point I never am - but I know that people who work hard not to be draining can be and often are.

What I know is that energy is God. Having it makes believing easier than despairing, loving more satisfying than disengaging, enduring more frequent than quitting. There are days when I feel despair, want to disengage, and fantasize about quitting - and energy is everything. So maybe it's not a big "G" God but it's definitely god with a little "g" - one to which a whisper a daily prayer: Please let there be enough of me to go around today and if there's some extra energy no body is using, let me have it. I know it's a greedy prayer and somewhat self-centered. The Almighty God might never approve but the energy god seems satisfied enough to grant the request most days.

And since energy is god and having it makes the difference between a good day where I can see the best in people's intentions and a bad one where I throw the world's biggest self-pity party, believing in its restorative power has given me a new kind of faith. Not a firm faith rooted in assurances but a dynamic one pitching and yawling on life's stormy sea where what I choose to believe is not nearly as demanding as whom I choose to belove.

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